ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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