She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize