note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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