she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
