My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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