Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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