so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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