i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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