I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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