apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
