One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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