this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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