He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
