I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
