What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize