I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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