True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
