I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no, he came in my armpit
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
