I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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