I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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