this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
