only if we run a train.
done.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
