I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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