i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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