Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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