i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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