Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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