i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
