five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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