So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
