i would punch a child for taco bell
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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