I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
