You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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