It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
