Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
