he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
