Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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