his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
