Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I just sharted jello shots
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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