i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
