Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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