U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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