think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh god it's open bar.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
