great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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