Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ttyl tear gas
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
