How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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