Will you blow on my dice?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
