we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am one with the molecules
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
