I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
