dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
