The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize