I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
