It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
