Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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