My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
