i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
