The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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