I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
