Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
