dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
