So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
