We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
