even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
