Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
