You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
