We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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