You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
