YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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