he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
