I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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