youre lurking in front of me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
