Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
