I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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