Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
